At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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