...so i touched it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
