I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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