where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
