What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
