Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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