I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
