i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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