too bad you live with your parents still
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
