Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
