You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
