thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
