im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
