I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
