are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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