i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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