next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
