Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
