I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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