I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
