What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
