im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
