are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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