i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
