he shaved USA in his pubs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
