If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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