I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
