Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
