Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
