Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
