Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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