Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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