My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
