If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
