just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
