ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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