I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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