exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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