I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
