I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize