My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
