I love black thongs
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
