My boss' voice literally gives me gas
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
