I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
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I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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