Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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