I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No I am not eating basil off your cock
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
