is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
