Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
