Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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