You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
