True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
