i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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