when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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