This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
