my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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