I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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