Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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