Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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